I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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