He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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