How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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