Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
