well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
