I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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