i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
