Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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