I hate all girls vehemently.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
