His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
bring money and cleavage
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
