Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
