I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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