My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
