I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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