There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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