The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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