He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
