bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
