There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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