go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
