It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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