so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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