Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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