I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
