I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
