things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
