first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
