You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
