moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
