I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A+ Viking dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
