i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
