I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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