My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
