Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
