I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Randomize
