Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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