Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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