Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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