Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
