For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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