I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
