do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
