i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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