just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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