Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
