I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
