Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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