but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
