I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
