chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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