Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
